6 Ways To Deal With Family Asking About Your Job Search

Popular 6 Ways To Deal With Family Asking About Your Job Search Ariella Coombs Jenna Arcand February 16, 2022 {"adCodes": [{"desktop": "", "display": true, "mobile": "", "new_amp": "\u003camp-ad width=336 height=280\n type=\"doubleclick\"\n data-slot=\"/22278042776,22664203608/wit/wit_content\"\n data-multi-size=\"300x250\"\u003e\n\u003c/amp-ad\u003e", "order": 0, "tablet": ""}, {"desktop": "", "display": true, "mobile": "", "new_amp": "\u003camp-ad width=336 height=280\n type=\"doubleclick\"\n data-slot=\"/22278042776,22664203608/wit/wit_content\"\n data-multi-size=\"300x250\"\u003e\n\u003c/amp-ad\u003e", "order": 1, "tablet": ""}, {"display": true, "new_amp": "\u003camp-ad width=336 height=280\n type=\"doubleclick\"\n data-slot=\"/22278042776,22664203608/wit/wit_content\"\n data-multi-size=\"300x250\"\u003e\n\u003c/amp-ad\u003e", "order": 2}], "adsOrder": [2]}

If you're in the middle of a frustrating job search, the holidays can be the worst time of year for you. It may not exactly bring out the best in you when old Auntie June keeps asking why you haven't found a job yet. So, what should you tell your family and friends over the holidays (or at any get-together) when they badger you about your job search?

Before you pull out your hair, check out these tips from our experts:

1. Move Away From The Subject

When you're visiting with an old relative, there always seems to be that uncomfortable point in the conversation when you're asked about your "situation" with work. Instead of grinding your teeth and getting upset, politely tell Uncle Roy you appreciate his concern, assure him you're continuing your search, and tell him you'll let him know when you're situation changes for the better.

"Since it's the holiday season, [tell them] you would prefer for the time to enjoy their company rather than focusing on job search activities," says professional resume writer, Debra Wheatman.

"You can move away from the topic by shifting to something related to how they are doing and what is going on in their lives." Lisa Adams, job search strategist and speaker, says to go about changing the subject gently, as they are only asking about your search because they care. Here's how she handled the situation while her husband was in transition:

"I so appreciate you asking. We are doing fine. We have some things in the works but we are choosing not to discuss them at this time. When we have an offer and know where we will land, you will absolutely get the word."

Then, Adams suggests tactically moving on to asking about them. "Talking about light-hearted topics that make everyone laugh or smile is always good," she says. "Who couldn't use that? I'll tell a funny story about my youngest son who is a comedian by nature and is always doing something humorous. Give it a try."

2. Realize They Do It Because They Care

After being asked about your job search efforts for the fifth time, it can be hard to remember that your family is just trying to help. "See the question for what it truly is: care and concern for your well-being," says Ben Eubanks, founder of UpStartHR. "I remember getting tired of answering the question for people when I was job searching, but they only ask because they care about your career success. Use it as a chance to practice your elevator speech and enjoy the time with family and friends." So, even if it's hard, try to be patient and treat them with respect.

3. Make Them Feel Helpful

Your friends and family probably have the best of intentions by asking about your job search, but it can be frustrating when they continue to badger you about your employment prospects. To keep the peace, thank them for checking in with you, but let them know that your job search is proving to be more challenging than you had hoped.

Amanda Haddaway, author of Destination Real World: Success After Graduation for New and Soon-to-Be College Graduates, suggests using their concern as a positive and asking them if they have any contacts in your field or know of any openings that might be in line with your skill set. "Chances are good they really do want to help, but don't know how," she says. "If you can engage them as a 'job search helper,' it might turn out to be a win-win situation."

4. Keep Your Answers Short, But Positive

When we say "short," we don't mean snappy, one-word answers. You can craft a short, to-the-point response that will satisfy most family members.

Leadership and management career coach Dorothy Tannahill-Moran says to keep your responses short and upbeat or they may slip into "problem-solving mode" if you aren't careful. "If they continue to probe after your short answer," she says, "remain consistent with short, upbeat responses. We often think under these circumstances that we need to get detailed but if you think about many other conversations, especially around Thanksgiving time (with loads of people), they are usually fairly superficial and short."

Don Goodman, a certified resume writer, suggests saying something like this: "It's going well, but I am being choosey about who I join next and I haven’t found the right firm yet."

5. Set Boundaries

"The most important thing is to recognize you don't owe an explanation to anyone but your spouse about how your job search is going," says executive job search coach Cheryl Simpson. "You can and should set boundaries with your extended family and friends by making clear what you will and won't talk about." Simpson suggests saying something along the lines of: "I appreciate your concern and interest about my career search. I don't wish, however, to burden this gathering with details. Suffice it to say that my search is going well and I am pursuing a range of exciting opportunities."

6. Think About It from Their Perspective

"Questions like these can be frustrating to answer," says Kristin Johnson, a certified job search coach. "You probably feel as if you sound like a broken record." Once you think from their perspective, you'll be able to answer the question with a genuine, appreciative question in return. It might sound something like this (using an admin position as an example):

"I'm looking to put my support skills to use in an office setting in the automotive industry. I have been looking at ABC and XYZ companies. I'd love to talk to someone at either of those. Do you have any contacts there? What suggestions do you have for me?"

"Eliciting specific information from your family will give you something to talk about and help them help you," she says. "Definitely something to be thankful for!"

Looking for a job can be an incredibly frustrating and stressful experience, and feeling like you have to explain yourself to others only adds to it. Remember these six tips the next time your family or friends ask about your job search. You'll successfully avoid any unpleasant conversations—or at least shorten their duration!

Struggling to find a job?

Check out Work It Daily and all of our career resources. We'll help you feel empowered in your job search so you can land the right job for you.

This article was originally published at an earlier date.

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job search {"customDimensions": {"1":"Ariella Coombs, Jenna Arcand","3":"job search, job search tips, job seekers, family, friends, family members, job search advice, career, career advice, frustrating job search, looking for a job, unemployed, ~rmsc:rebelmouse-image:29360298, ~rmsc:rebelmouse-image:29359936, ~rmsc:rebelmouse-image:29360309, ~rmsc:rebelmouse-image:29360306, ~rmsc:rebelmouse-image:29360303, ~rmsc:rebelmouse-image:29360308, ~rmsc:rebelmouse-image:29360299","4":"02/16/2022"}, "post": {"split_testing": {}, "providerId": 14, "sections": [0, 370480899, 543270555, 473333499, 404327439, 479660731], "buckets": [], "authors": [19548592, 19836096]} } Get Some LeverageSign up for The Work It Daily NewsletterEnter emailSubscribeFollow window.googletag = window.googletag || {cmd: []}; googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.defineSlot('/22278042776,22664312254/wit/wit_multiplex', ['fluid'], 'wit_multiplex').addService(googletag.pubads()); googletag.enableServices(); googletag.display('wit_multiplex'); }); Blog The 5 Things You Must Do To Become A Good Manager Ana Smith February 16, 2022 {"adCodes": [{"desktop": "", "display": true, "mobile": "", "new_amp": "\u003camp-ad width=336 height=280\n type=\"doubleclick\"\n data-slot=\"/22278042776,22664203608/wit/wit_content\"\n data-multi-size=\"300x250\"\u003e\n\u003c/amp-ad\u003e", "order": 0, "tablet": ""}, {"desktop": "", "display": true, "mobile": "", "new_amp": "\u003camp-ad width=336 height=280\n type=\"doubleclick\"\n data-slot=\"/22278042776,22664203608/wit/wit_content\"\n data-multi-size=\"300x250\"\u003e\n\u003c/amp-ad\u003e", "order": 1, "tablet": ""}, {"display": true, "new_amp": "\u003camp-ad width=336 height=280\n type=\"doubleclick\"\n data-slot=\"/22278042776,22664203608/wit/wit_content\"\n data-multi-size=\"300x250\"\u003e\n\u003c/amp-ad\u003e", "order": 2}], "adsOrder": [2]}

If you have never been a manager of people before, you are an individual contributor today and, who knows, you might even be part of Generation Z, and you might be interested in becoming a people manager. Let me share with you the key things that are going to help you immensely when you become a manager of people and a leader.

1. Gain Self-Awareness

What I mean by that is you have to know yourself before you're able to promote and provide and help others. There are various things that you can do to gain self-awareness. For example, one of them could be you can do a DISC. This is a free personality assessment/test that you can find online. It will show you what your dominant areas of personality are. There are others of course that can be either self-interpreted or that can be done through a specialist. Remember that self-awareness is the first component of emotional intelligence and, therefore, once you understand what that is for you, you can understand your emotions, your strengths, your weaknesses, your needs, and your drives.

To assess where you are in this journey, you can go to insight-quiz.com created by Tasha Eurich.

2. Understand What Motivates You

There are two known avenues for all of us to get motivated: intrinsic (internal) or extrinsic/identified (external).

When it comes to internal or intrinsic motivation, think of the things we naturally want to do, just because we enjoy them! An example of this could be writing or journaling just because we see the value of reflecting, sharing, and including others in our thinking and learning.

If you consider extrinsic/identified motivation, these are the things we do because we have identified them as important to accomplish the goals that we want to achieve. An example of this could be: "I am studying how to become a world-class online facilitator," or "I want to blog for Fast Company."

How well do you know your motivations? Get on it! Once you become a people manager, if you know what motivates you, it will be part of your approach to management going forward!

3. Sharpen Your Active Listening Skills

Have you ever wondered why in the world we have two ears and one mouth?

The main reason is that to be our best selves going forward in both our professional and personal selves, to be our most effective selves, we need to listen twice as much as we speak. If you think about it, when we speak, we hear ourselves, our thoughts. When we listen, we learn. I know it is difficult to do for those of us who are extroverted and think our ideas out loud.

Try listening twice as much as you speak and see the difference! Ask, listen, pay attention.

4. Get A Mentor

You may wonder what a mentor is and why might you need one (or more) in preparation to become a manager (and going forward). A mentor is someone who knows more than you do about a given topic and whose opinion you respect. They are trusted advisors. And remember, there is also “reverse mentoring" which is mentoring from folks who are younger than you, yet they offer you a window into your current reality.

When you think about a mentoring relationship, both confidence and competence increase—on both ends—by mere conversation and acute listening. In mentoring relationships, we believe and care about each other. Mentoring relationships inspire us as we grow, evolve, and decide. They help us step into our potential.

Mentoring reduces limiting beliefs and assumptions. We explore alternatives, run experiments, and progress. Mentoring facilitates change, development, and growth. Lessons endure. Mentoring relationships keep us ever grateful and encourage lifelong approaches to helping others learn.

5. Get A Coach

The most effective executives, athletes, and other celebrities have had a coach or a variety of them. In the case of someone looking to develop and grow their career, the best investment is hiring an (executive) coach.

So, what is executive coaching? According to the International Coach Federation (ICF), coaching is defined as a partnership with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. Coaching is a client-driven process that’s distinct from other service professions, such as counseling, mentoring, consulting, and training. Powerful—right?

Would you like to partner with someone who can do that for and with you? If your answer is yes, or even, I’m not sure—feel free to reach out to me for a discovery session: Ana Smith – Your Coach

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